Hours After I Asked For A Divorce My Husband Ended His Life. This Is What I Wish I'd Known.

"It was a night in October of 2004 when everything changed. I still remember the metallic click of my key in the door. It was late, clients had run long, traffic even longer - and all I wanted was to get out of my work clothes and lie down. Instead, the house felt ... wrong. Though my husband's truck was in the driveway, everything was dark. The porch light wasn't even on."

"I called out his name as I stepped into the foyer - once, twice, then louder a third time. No answer. It was too quiet, like someone had pressed mute on a life that usually hummed with stereo music and my husband's booming voice. I heard the wind chimes tinkling in the breeze on the deck. There was not even a sign of our cat. "Hello?" I called, more hesitantly."

"That's when I saw him. He'd positioned a spotlight to shine on his body. He'd always had a flair for the theatrical. In one breath, my world imploded. My husband of 17 years had hanged himself there, in our shared home, just hours after I'd told him, "I'm done. I want a divorce." I sobbed, I shook, I retched. I had trouble calling 911; it took me three tries to hit the right combination of numbers."

"And there was irony here. I am a psychotherapist. How could I not have predicted this? The detectives and the coroner spent hours at my home, questioning me. I made tearful calls to friends who came immediately to sit with me but felt powerless to help. The guilt crushed me. Look what I'd made him do. I'd told him I wanted a divorce. "I killed him," I told everyone. I was emotionally and mentally shattered."

A late October night in 2004 brought an unexpected discovery in a dark home. After calling her husband’s name and finding a dim light under a closed dining room door, she saw him hanging. She had told him earlier that she wanted a divorce, and the timing made the event feel like her fault. She struggled to call 911, required multiple attempts, and was overwhelmed when police arrived. Detectives and a coroner questioned her for hours, while friends offered support but felt powerless. She experienced intense guilt, repeatedly believing she had killed him, and described emotional and mental devastation.

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