Research on casual conversations reveals that more than 60 percent of informal conversations are gossip or the exchange of related social information. Dunbar defines exchange of social information as conversations about people and relationships (e.g., who's related to whom, who's allied with whom, who's married to whom), whereas a more narrowly defined subset of social conversations constitutes pure gossip, containing an element of judgment or evaluation of a not-present third party.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I feel as if my leaders don't care about my development. I ask my manager in our one-on-one meetings if there are specific things that I can work on to become more proficient at the job. She always says that I am doing well and that there's nothing in particular that I need to work on. On the surface, that sounds reassuring, but I have a feeling that it's not the full truth.
My friend recently attended a funeral, and midway through the eulogy, he became convinced that it had been written by AI. There was the telltale proliferation of abstract nouns, a surfeit of assertions that the deceased was "not just X-he was Y" coupled with a lack of concrete anecdotes, and more appearances of the word collaborate than you would expect from a rec-league hockey teammate.
"You know, having those conversations early on, reaching out to people in different departments ...that was really hard when I didn't have much confidence.” A VP of Design brought this up recently, reflecting what many designers are facing. There's been a crisis of confidence in design, and it's happening all across the career ladder. Due to shrinking budgets and layoffs, more designers are being forced to work solo.
When the bill came, it sat on the table for a while; neither of us touched it. Eventually, I picked it up and asked if she wanted to split it, and she said yes immediately. I was caught off guard because she had clearly said beforehand that she wanted to treat me, so I hadn't expected to pay. It's not about the money
Your friend made a joke that hurt your feelings. Your partner ignored you after you came home from a hard day at work. Your mom said something critical about your parenting. A colleague insisted on chairing a committee that you were next in line to lead. When these upsetting behaviors happen, you have a choice. Should you say something about it or let it go? How do we decide whether an issue is worth bringing up?
Most textbooks and self-help manuals about communication are based on models that are seldom about what is between and beyond the interactions of individuals. There is assertiveness training, refuting irrational thoughts, conflict resolution, and so on. All without the infinitely wider contextual applications of living. Adversarial disagreements and polarization are at a high level, and couples therapists are overloaded with the presenting problem of "They are having communication discord."
