""I just had this conversation with my mother, who's been married for 30-plus years. Here's what she wants and needs to feel pursued." "Emotional safety, consistently. A messy house and a lack of flowers are neither here nor there. She wishes that she could go to her husband and say 'this thing is really bothering me,' and him not exploding (even on her behalf, not necessarily at her) and just being another thing she has to mitigate."
""Emotional safety, consistently. A messy house and a lack of flowers are neither here nor there. She wishes that she could go to her husband and say 'this thing is really bothering me,' and him not exploding (even on her behalf, not necessarily at her) and just being another thing she has to mitigate. It's so ridiculously attractive for someone to apologize unprompted, to say, 'You've been seeming distant lately. Let's sit down right now and talk about what you're feeling and what I can do.'""
An experienced spouse values consistent emotional safety far more than cleanliness or gifts. She wants to be able to name a concern without triggering an explosive reaction or creating another problem to manage. Unprompted apologies and proactive invitations to talk when distance appears are highly attractive. Reflecting what a partner says, making space for feelings, and refraining from immediate defensiveness foster trust. Deliberate actions that prioritize emotional safety—asking what someone is feeling and offering to help—constitute genuine pursuit and relational care.
Read at BuzzFeed
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