The moment sex becomes something you owe rather than something you want, the dynamic shifts entirely. It reframes intimacy as a transaction, and that's where things start to go wrong. Sex debt thinking often comes from a place of insecurity or poor communication. Usually, couples have never discussed what sex actually means to them in the context of their relationship.
As a postpartum woman, most of the time, I just want my husband to hug me and tell me he's sorry I'm uncomfortable in my new body. I don't always want to hear how attractive he finds me, because I don't see it. Maybe try thanking her for sacrificing her pre-baby body to bring your children into the world. Tell her you appreciate that and love her.
Adam wrecked a car and there were no consequences. He got a new car and wrecked that one as well. If there are no actual problems when something happens, he will never see the need to find a solution.
She didn't necessarily expect you to read her mind; she informed you that what you did affected her emotionally. Maybe she implied or outright said that you never should have done it, but the main thrust of her feedback was to let you know that you upset her, not that you aren't psychic enough or should build a time machine so you can dissuade your past self from reaching for the Fleshlight on that greeting-card holiday.
Using experiments where over 100 university students were confronted with differing viewpoints, either during an online chat or while watching a video, researchers discovered that simply 'feeling heard' sparked more positivity and interest. Even if the two people never agree on a specific topic, asking someone to lay out the key points of their argument made participants feel like someone was interested in their opinion.
With Valentine's Day around the corner, you might be thinking about buying a sexy gift for someone you love, or for yourself, and feeling completely overwhelmed by the options. This week on Just Between Us, Jennifer Zamparelli is joined by Shawna Scott of Sex Siopa to cut through the confusion and talk sex toys without shame or pressure. From bullets to bondage, dildos to dilators,
You can ask him to be your boyfriend. Or, if you don't want to be that direct, you can tell him that you are interested in taking the relationship to the next level and you want to know what he's interested in. If he feels you're heading toward a committed relationship, it's fair to ask questions like, how long is this road to a relationship? Are there any obstacles that you see? How fast are we traveling?
My boyfriend and I (we're both men) are both in our late 20s. We started dating in our last year of university and moved in together about a year after. He's very good at those in-demand tech and number-focused computer skills, so he already had good employment lined up before graduation. I struggled to find full-time work in my field, and worked part-time while doing the household cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc.
What if, instead of relying on the consumption of media, you relied on your imagination and your memories? You could reminisce about particularly enjoyable sex you've previously had with your wife, fantasize about sex you might have with her in the future, and use embodiment and mindfulness skills (specifically, the ones that focus on being present in the moment and noticing all the details) to soak up the experiences of the weekly-or-so sex you do get to have with your wife (and bank that for future wanking).
When we first became involved, she even joked that she didn't want me getting mad when it was time for her to visit her friend on girls' trips. A threesome with a bisexual woman has always been my fantasy. She even gave me permission to go online and find a unicorn for us. But when I set up a meeting, she didn't seem to want to follow through with it, so I stopped looking.
And unlike any other chore or fitness enterprise, you conceive it more as self-indulgence than self-improvement, and as such, even if you're already in a relationship, it's hard to find that chin-out determination to get it done. Yet sex is an appetite like any other, a necessity like any other, a nourishment like any other. If you let it go dormant the effect on your relationship might be as if one or both of you are on a permanent diet and also lonely.
My husband and I are both 42 and work great jobs with high incomes. Between the retirement packages we have in place and my grandma's money, we'll have more than enough to ride out the 20 to 30 years we will hopefully have left if we retire at 65. The problem is our quality of life right now. My husband has a lot of
Relationships thrive or falter on the smallest of cues: a shared laugh, a thoughtful gesture, or, surprisingly, perhaps, a simple two-word phrase. Too often, we rely on complaint, criticism, or avoidance to signal what we want. What partners really need is a clear expression of our desires: "I want..." Why are these two words so powerful? Because they signal want, rather than suggesting blame. Because they articulate current needs, rather than hinting at past neglect.
They may delight in their own romantic fantasies, dropping hints that the momentous question could soon be asked. However, like any significant life event, successful proposals stem from thoughtful planning rather than the idealized scenarios often depicted in reality shows, streaming television, or soap operas. The grand gestures witnessed in public settings may be captivating, but they can set unrealistic expectations for those hoping to replicate such moments.
My husband is gesturing wildly but quietly for me to come to the front window. "Hawk!" He says. "I think it caught something in its talons." We stare across the canyon to one of the red-tailed hawk's favorite posts before deciding to get the binoculars and head outside. "I saw a bird today," he ribs me and passes the binoculars. We don't need to try the bird test; we're both really into birds.
For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions. This week, a reader no longer wants to sell her starter home, as she and her husband had once agreed upon. Our columnist reminds her that it's not about who gets their way - it's about sharing a life they love. Dear For Love & Money,
For those of us who are already in relationships, cuffing season can bring out a little smug satisfaction. We already have a built-in cuddle buddy. No swiping, no small talk, no awkward first dates. We're cuffed by default. But before you get too cozy under that weighted blanket, let's be honest: Just because you're cuffed doesn't mean you're connected. If your summer lacked sizzle, your fall might feel more frosty than festive.
In conversations I've had with hundreds of college students and social media followers, I've noticed a stubborn myth surrounding the idea of sexual compatibility. People love to romanticize it as if it's some kind of cosmic spark. You meet someone, sparks fly, and voilà, you either "have it" or you don't. But the truth is, sexual compatibility isn't magic. It's not about destiny. It's about dynamics, and yes, it can evolve and deepen over time.
You wrote that you know you would think less of him. If you're certain, or even fairly certain, that you will lose a significant amount of attraction or respect for your partner if you proceed with a particular sex act, the situation is more high-risk for the relationship than a turn-off or a lack of interest would be. "Mean" here would look like using language of shame and judgment when talking to him about it: "Ew, gross, I'll never see you as a man again."
Along comes the " bird theory test," the newest entry into the relationship-improvement landscape. If you haven't heard of this, it's simple enough. All you have to do is tell your partner, "I saw a bird today." If your partner asks you questions about the bird-what species it was, what it was doing, etc.-this is good. If your partner stolidly continues to focus on whatever they were doing when you made the observation, you may be in trouble.
According to writing expert Naomi Alderman, the key is to look at the way the words fit together, rather than what they are saying. 'Words that ought to be working together are instead not even fighting each other - fighting is interesting - but coming apart in your hands like a cheaply-made toy,' Ms Alderman explained in a blog post.
But sometimes, communication between partners fails to achieve clarity and directness; sometimes it leans into passive-aggressive criticisms instead. We've all been there, and we have likely felt uncomfortable when someone lands a jab against their partner in our presence. The partner ends up feeling embarrassed and may struggle to reply, since they usually can't respond in kind without escalating the conflict in public.
Numerous studies over the last decade have shown the negative impacts of the invisible burden of confronting racism on interracial couples. A recent study, conducted in 2024, showed that interracial couples were, on average, more likely to experience discrimination, higher perceived stress, more depressive symptoms, and worse overall self-rated health compared to White couples due to the impact of discrimination.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me asking if she could crash at my place that same day. I thought that was super-rude. She was visiting someone else but didn't want to stay at that house because her other friend has a husband and two children, and I have more room. I felt very uncomfortable with her just unexpectedly telling me she wanted to stay at my place instead of getting a hotel room.
When partners are unhappy, they communicate this mostly indirectly. They don't just express unhappiness during arguments - they're meaner, sabotage their partners, and deliberately stir negative emotions. They often have the attitude "If I'm unhappy, you're going to be unhappy too." Below are seven communication patterns people exhibit when they're unhappy in their relationship. This article isn't meant to be judgmental. Readers may notice they're enacting some patterns and on the receiving end of others.
Growing up, everything I knew about prenups was negative . I was used to movie depictions of women getting shorted by rich, overpowering men, rap songs glamorizing unequal payouts, and my own father advising me, "If someone wants to sign a prenup, run." My father had the same logic most people do: Prenups are disrespectful, transactional, and unromantic, assuming the doom of a marriage before it even starts. Little did he know that my partner and I were committed to signing one .
Sometimes with loved ones and friends, the healthiest but hardest thing to do is to say, this is where he is right now and to accept that. You don't have to love it; you don't have to like it; some aspects of it can still pose a question in your mind. But, by saying, this is where he is right now, you acknowledge that he's on a journey and it may not be going as fast as you want, but you're along for the ride.
For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions. This week, a reader feels she's the only one working hard while her husband pursues his dream job. Our columnist spoke with personal finance author Ramit Sethi, who suggested having a series of conversations. Have a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.
