#family-boundaries

#family-boundaries

Dear Eric: My mother-in-law, Dana, 79, was married for 51 years before her husband passed six years ago. She visits us frequently. When she does, she stays at our house or with one of my husband's sisters. Within the last six months, Dana began dating a senior gentleman, Peter. Apparently, they knew each other in high school and recently reconnected. As of this writing, only the two sisters have met Peter.

My mother has never been particularly fond of my wife, "Ellen." Recently, at my father's birthday party, she got drunk in front everyone-including me, Ellen, and our two kids (5 and 11)-and shouted out a wild accusation. She said that that Ellen "probably screwed around" and that our kids are not mine! We left immediately and haven't spoken to my mother since, but the damage has been done.

I was at my mother's place last week, and I heard my stepfather make a racist joke about a popular children's character on the TV. I told my mother that I don't want her husband at my daughter's party or around my family in the future. She claimed "he was just making a joke" and that I'm taking it too seriously. I said as much to my mother and told her that either her husband stays home or they both do.

My husband and I had two sons, Seth and Jason, who were best buddies. Seth passed away a year and a half ago, which has been really hard on us all, but especially on Jason. He's now 17 and in high school. He's doing OK, but he is still sort of listless and keeps to himself a lot. My sister's son, Matt, was the same age as Seth. She suggested he come stay with us on school breaks as company and a role model