#self-care

#self-care

Think of all the pretty things you've squirreled away for a special occasion: the nice plates you only bring out on holidays, the fancy dress in the back of your closet, the pricy perfume you refuse to spritz on a regular day. TikTok's " lavender soap theory" suggests you should use all your best things as often as possible - and enjoy every minute of it. In a Dec. 10 post, creator @rio.mads posed in a cool outfit and said, "Lavender soap theory: Was saving this Issey Miyake top for a special occasion, but would rather wear it now." She added, "Clothes are meant to be lived in." In another TikTok, @kythegoofygoober wrote, "Letting my boyfriend use my Olaplex conditioner because of the lavender soap theory." Instead of keeping it all for herself, she decided to let him indulge in her products, if he wanted to. That's the lavender soap theory.

Before you can set limits with others, you first need to understand your own. But just like the rules of the road, your limits might not be clear at first. Think of limits like traffic laws: stop signs, red lights, green lights, and turn signals. You weren't born knowing when to stop or go-you had to learn the rules. Eventually, you earned your driver's license, which meant you understood the rules well enough to navigate safely.

Younger people definitely laugh (even lightheartedly!) at the things older people tend to do, like napping, playing bingo, or eating dinner early. But recently, the BuzzFeed Community wrote in to share the "old person" habits that actually make life way better - and it got such a great response that even more people shared habits of their own! So, from young and old alike, here are some "old person" habits that you might consider adopting for yourself:

Money is tight for many American families right now, and most of us parents are just focused on what to get our kids and loved ones for the holidays. But if you're in the position to buy something special for yourself, a friend, or a family member, you probably want to make sure it's something they'll use a ton and truly love. If you're looking for Christmas gifts people will actually use, then look no further.

Since pentacle cards are tied to the earth, it looks like it'll be a big week for the homebodies. For some of you, it might mean literally staying in and enjoying your rent. This card is all about self-care, and it also reminds you to check in with yourself. When was the last time you took a nap? Ordered takeout? Luxuriated in a bath? If it's been a minute, you know what to do...

Most mornings, my body wakes me up before my alarm... 4:58 a.m. Or maybe 4:59. Ping. After so many years of following a formula, it's become a wise habit. Even if it's Sunday and my teen woke me up at midnight making a bowl of cereal, my body is up. My body knows that waking up early helps me untangle my day.

Most of us probably have an auntie or neighbor who deeply loves their garden, and it's easy to view this as a pastime for retired folks, or for those super wholesome types. But, if you ask your neighbor what the appeal is, you may be surprised to learn it's doing something for him that even the busiest and most serious among us could use more of.

What does it mean to show up for yourself? Two people in the same situation showed up for themselves in different ways. Life can be fast, messy, and difficult. We have roles, responsibilities, relationships, and stuff getting in the way of what we need to do for ourselves. Showing up for yourself means to do what you need to do to honor your authentic self without judgment.

Every once in a while, you might find yourself particularly stressed from work or overwhelmed with social responsibilities and personal challenges. Sometimes, the best answer to all those worries is spending a few hours (or even days) in total relaxation, getting pampered with facials, massages, and therapeutic baths, surrounded by scented candles and soothing incense, and sustaining yourself with delicious but healthy foods and beverages.

I can't speak for everyone, but I can say that now that I am older, I am 100% taking advantage of the lessons my parents taught me that I definitely ignored while I was younger. Like never going to bed with a sink full of dishes: Or having a glass of water between every drink at the bar: Or, my personal favorite, washing your body once with a cleansing bar soap and then a second time with a moisturizing body wash:

Lately, I've noticed a theme among my clients and, similarly, in myself. Many of us are in seasons that demand sustained focus and mindful energy. We are pushing toward something important while trying to protect our flow from distractions, self-doubt, and emotional noise. I often emphasize the value of self-check-ins and collecting your own data. But what happens when you are in such a driven, purposeful stretch that even pausing to reflect feels like it could knock you off balance?

If a post didn't get a like within two minutes, I'd delete it and try again, often asking friends to like it and comment just to keep up with appearances. When I lost a follower, I'd look at an app to see who it was. I was constantly refreshing, hoping to get more than 100 likes in an hour. I drove myself crazy.

Last year, building my career and staying focused on my profession mattered the most to me. I didn't have time for really anything else. I'm used to powering through things. I'm a military spouse and I'm raising kids, but over the course of several months, I noticed my health was declining in ways that didn't feel like typical burnout. I found out I was suffering from the effects of two undiagnosed autoimmune conditions: rheumatoid arthritis and Hashimoto's disease.

When I was cast on the TV show "Survivor" in 2023 (yes, that show is still on), I thought I knew what anxiety felt like. I had spent years helping clients understand it, name it, and care for it. I had been in active therapy for around a decade. But living through it in front of millions of people is something no training could have prepared me for.

I was the one people turned to. And if they didn't turn to me, I turned to them. If someone was going through a hard time, I'd show up with soup, a handwritten card, or a call that stretched for hours. I'd intuit needs before they were spoken. And when people said things like "Wow! How do you even manage all this?" or "You're incredible," my heart swelled with pride. It felt good to be seen. It felt powerful to be needed.

Whenever I think of my YiaYia Harriet Patras, I see her with neatly styled hair, wearing a perfectly polished outfit, and decked to the nines in fairly heirlooms and conversation-starting rings. My grandmother had a life filled with challenges and loss, though you'd never know it by looking at her. When I learned about some of her personal struggles later in my adulthood, I was shocked.

In many ways, taking a break from sex is an act of self-care, says Naomi Zelin, APCC, a sex and relationship therapist at Humbly Elevated. There are plenty of reasons to say no, whether it's due to something physical, mental, emotional, or all of the above. If it isn't making you happy, or if it's complicating your life, it makes sense to step away.

October this year feels sacred. While the world has been engulfed in all sorts of chaos, tragedy, and difficult conversations, I'm looking forward to deep inhales of freshly fallen leaves, a quart of spiked apple cider, and a happy Halloween. Truly, who doesn't want to surround themselves with a little magic, a bit of escape, and a whole lot of chocolate? It's time to disassociate a bit.