But nothing actually changes. These stuck adult children tell you they are "researching" possible options. They tell you (and themselves) that they are going to send out resumes or go places to apply for jobs-but they don't. Maybe they mean well when they say they're looking into a certificate program or enrolling in college. You think this time they'll do it, but they don't.
Ever feel like you're stuck in this weird paradox where everyone thinks you're brilliant, but inside you feel like you're constantly falling short? I've been there. Actually, I'm still there some days. After getting laid off during media industry cuts in my late twenties, I spent months wondering if maybe I wasn't as smart as I thought I was, or if being smart even mattered when I couldn't seem to get my life together.
What these parents don't realize is that today's failure to launch is not always behavioral in nature. It can be due to cognitive constipation (bear with me on the Gastrointestinal metaphor; I am trying to make a point). Yes, that's right. It is those nasty doses of overthinking-the behind-the-scenes fuel-that crank up the hidden anxiety burning in your adult child's brain.
Most parents who reach out for coaching say they can't recall the moment(s) when it began. I'm talking about when they started pausing, maybe several times, before responding to their adult child's texts. Or, those parents softening their opinions (or straight-up twisting them) so as not to spark reactivity in their adult children. Or, they bite their tongues altogether and avoid certain topics.
Many adult children aren't failing because they lack intelligence, talent, or opportunity. They are stuck because they think too much and act too little. The parents I work with often describe these children in the same way: bright, sensitive, thoughtful, and capable. Over time, this not only slows growth but also infantilizes adulthood, keeping capable young adults dependent on certainty, reassurance, and avoidance rather than action.
So, let's return to classic literature and take a look at a 19th-century idea that feels remarkably relevant today. It's the danger of too much thought. Many writers have understood the power and peril of thought (and consciousness) long before algorithms began to mimic it. They felt, unlike the LLMs, that the very thing that makes us intelligent can also make us suffer.
